Friday 22 February 2013

Super Siblings (Part 1)



Boo has two sisters, one older, one younger.   Peeka is her almost 5-year-old little sister.   Now, it makes sense to me that a child who was born having an older sibling with special needs would be very accepting of the situation, because she has never known any different.  And I think, in the case of Peeka, that would be true.  



Until very recently, our littlest girl didn’t appear to notice that there was anything unusual about her sister.  After all; Boo is Boo: it’s everyday stuff in our house.  I’m still not sure to what extent Peeka has noticed.  I do often hear her shouting at Boo in exasperation,  Are you even listening to me?!’,  getting frustrated when Boo retreats into her head, ignoring the rest of the world.  They play imaginative games together – all on Boo’s terms of course, but Peeka is happy to be led, because she looks up to Boo,  her ‘cool’ big sister.  She has cool toys.  She has big Year 2 friends.  Peeka frequently declares on hair-wash night, that she wants to have hair as long and as straight as Boo’s (which is never going to happen, bless her curly little locks!)  It is sweet to witness her adoration, and yet bittersweet, because one day she’ll be aware that her cool big sister is possibly not all that cool in the eyes of most of the other kids at school.  Which is sad.  I wish those kids knew just how cool she really is. 




 A few months ago, I got this lovely email from the mum of one of Peeka’s little classmates in Reception (names changed):
Bit of a tricky one but I'm just going to come straight to the point!
Sarah was asking questions about Boo today. Why does she speak differently?  She's starting to become a lot more aware of children who might have learning difficulties or a disability and asked a lot of questions when she saw Children in Need things.
I just don't want to say the wrong thing and cause her to maybe say something to Boo. I doubt she would but you never know!
So, is there a way I can explain or do I just say nothing?
I'd really appreciate your thoughts! 

I thought that was so sweet of her.  And I answered as best I could, but you know what?  I don’t really know how to explain Autism to a five year old either.

Oh bless you both xx! I'm no expert but at home we have just said to Peeka & Pips that Boo has Autism which means she has a different kind of brain to them, so she doesn't think the same way or act the same way.
Having Autism means that she sometimes finds easy things hard (like running, jumping, writing, talking, listening) and she sometimes finds hard things easy (like reading, spelling, doing maths in her head and remembering lots of things.)
Boo is super clever but sometimes gets muddled up how to behave (like when to be loud or quiet) and she finds it hard to understand how other people feel, so Mrs Jones helps her when she gets mixed up at school.
Hope that's ok?! I might have a book somewhere I could lend you. So nice of you to ask- it is an awkward one, I am not really sure how to approach it myself to be honest! I sometimes wish they would talk about it at school cos kids aren't daft and know perfectly well there's something odd about the SEN kids!

 (A topic for a future post: why do mainstream schools often pretend that their kids don't notice that some of their classmates have special needs?  It baffles me.)

I didn’t have a plan for introducing the topic of Autism at home.  I’ve been wondering for a while now just exactly when (or whether!) to discuss it with Boo herself.  As it happened, the questions came from my eldest child at the dinner table, which floored me a little since I had ‘nothing prepared!’  Rather than try to sweep it under the carpet, I went for the breezy yet frank approach (see above), which I hoped would work for all three girls.  So now they know.  Significantly, Boo knows.  She knows she has Autism, and has never said another word about it.  When she wants to know more, I’ll be waiting.  But as for Peeka, the information she heard over pasta twists and meatballs that night, is enough for now.


 One of these days, like her little friend Sarah, Peeka will become more aware of the ways in which her big sister is different to other kids, which makes me a little bit sad, but also a little bit excited, because she will then begin to realise how amazing her sister with Autism is, and also, how special she herself is, for loving Boo so beautifully.  Living with a sibling with Autism is not easy.  It is confusing and chaotic.  Much patience is required.  You have to be able to accept that sometimes your turn never comes.  Sometimes there will be no bedtime story because Boo is having a meltdown.  You have to get used to people staring at your family in supermarkets.  Sometimes your mum and dad are mega grumpy because they only had 3 hours sleep.  Sometimes your Disney Princess comic will be drawn in because Boo took it without asking.  Sometimes you will have to get up at 4 in the morning to see why Boo is laughing her head off.  You already know (because your mum says it frequently while brushing Boo’s teeth in the bedroom) that sometimes you have to bring the mountain to Mohammed.   It is not easy to live with an Autistic sibling.  Peeka makes it look easy.  After all, it’s all she’s ever known.




Thankyou to Happy Home Baking for the yummy pasta image!
http://happyhomebaking.blogspot.co.uk/

4 comments:

Unknown said...

Made me cry. Your explanation about her finding easy things hard and hard things easy is so spot on! Thank you

BooHooMama said...

Thanks Shanell :-)

Unknown said...

Am loving your explanation. Had to think on my feet the other day when Thomas had an overenthusiastic meeting with a boy with autism who attacked him and his lunch with a balloon. The boy must have been about 10 or 11 and his frazzled looking mum soon came over to shepherd him elsewhere - my heart went out to her as she looked so tired I explained it was fine and smiled - was not sure what else I could do. Thomas looked surprised but not upset so I told him that the big boy's brain just thinks, sees and hears things differently and that he may really have wanted to play with Thomas and he has a condition called autism. Not sure how much he understood but he seemed happy enough with my explanation and said he would like to have played. Does make me think about how much the children in my school understand as we have 2 pupils with autism who are loved and cherished by all but perhaps we still need to discuss this further as how much do the children understand about autism...perhaps Bev, you might find an hour to pop in and talk to some of our KS2 about your experiences and share your wisdom? xxx

BooHooMama said...

Ooh yes, that would be fun! A great way to raise awareness and acceptance at the same time. Everything they wanted to know about Autism but were afraid to ask, lol!